I feel like everything I am doing, everything I am talking about these days, is just lacking focus. I try to sit down and write on here my thoughts and life details, but when I go back and read over what I have written...it sounds strung together. Struggling for a real point. Definitely not my best blogging. I want to tell you about the X-files movie (I know not everyone liked it, but I SERIOUSLY thought it was great! Maybe not blockbuster material, but one perfect long episode where I got to revisit with my friends Mulder and Scully...my parents liked it and the didn't even watch the show. I think it is worth a movie ticket!) or I want to show you my new favorite youtube video which may or may not have made me cry at work yesterday (turn it up, it has music) but then that is the extent of the thought. A few sentences, and then my mind goes back. Back to the IVF.
It isn't just the blog, it is taking over my mind in all aspects of my life. I find myself dying to discuss it, but then when asked I don't really have anything to say beyond it is all going well...taking my shots. Just waiting. I think about it constantly. The hopes and the fears. I am scared to death that it will not work. Each step that we make it to I rejoice that we are closer, but I fear that I will panic when it comes to the egg transfer and literally all my eggs are in the one basket. If this is hard, how can I do the two week wait and keep a normal life?
They say the best thing to do during IVF is be normal. Try not to worry and just live life. I am trying. I really am, it's just when there is something this big, how can I possibly think of anything else. How can I not worry myself sick in the silent of the night. I am trying. I am spending time with friends and seeing movies. I am blogging, maybe not well, but I am here. Trying to stay normal. Focus on life. Thanks for staying with me during the crazy. Thanks for giving me the distraction, or at least reading the ramblings of my distraction. It means more than I could ever say.
***The youtube link is now working!***