Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Restless

Something wakes me from my deep sleep at 1:30 in the morning. I lay and listen. He's awake. I give him a second to calm down, but I hear it is escalating. I go to get my restless boy. These cries out in the night are rare now, and I worry.

As he sees me in the dark his cries slow. He reaches for me and I reach back. He is out of his crib and his head is on my shoulder. Arms around my neck. He is nearly asleep again already. My worries die. He just needed his Mama tonight.

We lay in our bed. The family bed. He curls up close. Kicking off covers and relaxing into what will soon be a deep sleep.

Three hours later, it's only 4:30. He is awake again. His little head pops up and he looks at me. Awake. But not really awake. He crawls on top of me and lays his head on my chest. He sighs. He is content. He drifts back to sleep with his head on my heart. My heart on my heart.

I lay there still awake and he is restless again. Up and moving from my chest to my arm. From my arm to the bed. Back to my chest. We go round and round for two hours. I watch as he drifts in and out of a restless sleep. I wonder about teeth. I wonder about a bug. I worry again. He tries to rest. I watch him. Every now and again he looks up at me, and even though he is tired, his face spreads into a huge smile. I am tired, but I am also content here watching my sweet boy. My heart holds my heart.

Finally at 6:30 he seems asleep. I silently crawl from the bed, hoping he and his Papa can rest for a couple of hours. As I walk out the door for work at 7:20 I hear him laugh from the bedroom. I smile and walk out the door, both loving and hating our long restless nights.

23 comments:

  1. Ahhhhh. That's beautiful. THAT's what I want, too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awww what a sweet post. Even though I'm sure you are beyond tired today, I'm sure every minute of no sleep was worth it. :)

    I wanted to say thank you for the sweet comment you left on my blog today. It meant a lot to me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You just described one of our restless nights around here! It's SO reassuring to know that I'm not alone in this same love/dread nighttime stuff. They are just so sweet that you have to love them even in the middle of the night!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love this...and I am SOOOO there right now. Almost every night at this point, though. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful picture! You are blessed! Thanks for sharing on Creme de la Creme.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What an excellent post! I can totally relate. We have just recently reached the point where we are regularly sleeping through the night. I craved this for months, wanting...needing...so desperately to SLEEP. Now that we're there, I'm a little sad. I miss those quiet moments shared just between Little Man and Momma.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This post is beyond beautiful. Filled my heart with love and my eyes with tears.

    Thank you for posting on CdlC!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mel is right - "my heart on my heart" is one of the best descriptions EVER. Thank you for sharing this. It was beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  9. So beautifully written. And what a pleasure, right? Nothing beats little boy cuddles, I am convinced. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So beautiful. I love how you show that one thing can be both exquisitely exhilarating and incredibly exhausting.

    ReplyDelete
  11. First time reading creme de la creme and love, love, love your post--amazing! Made me tear up and smile. I'm so fortunate to have been there too and could never have put it in words like that. Thank you.
    Erin

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love it too! It's so hard to be working and for the babes to have restless sleep because you end up exhausted, but at the same time I love every second in the night just with momma=). Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  13. a beautiful post with a beautiful words.

    Now a follower from Creme de la Creme (hope you'll follow me back). What a great attitude!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh those sweet moments in the middle of the night - when there's nothing else to do but look at each other.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Awwww. I love those moments too.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This is such a nice post! Wonderfully written, you made me cry... Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  17. from Creme - its lovely that you are treasuring every moment with your little man. Its nice to get little glimpses of parenthood like this. Most people you talk to tend to just tell you the bad stuff. Like that is going to make you feel better about IF.

    ReplyDelete
  18. here from cdlc and really happy to read such a sweet post. it's nice to hear that there is some silver lining to the sleep deprivation!

    ReplyDelete
  19. So so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful and sweet story!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to record the details. :)

    Here from CDLC.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin