I can't believe it's been two weeks since we lost her.
I can't believe I wont see her again on this side of eternity.
I can't believe how I can't believe it, even though we knew what was coming. But then again, how do you prepare yourself for something like this?
Yesterday we went to a service Missy's work held for her. It was really nice. And somehow there is comfort is seeing how much she was loved.
I may not be grieving as much with tears, but my body is grieving hard. This cough I have had since the hospital seems to be actually my inability to catch my breath.
My chest hurts, like my heart is actually breaking. I am not sleeping, I am just thinking...and missing her.
I have realized how much I am avoiding people. I have a digital stack of emails and messages that I read, then just close without replying. I am not seeing people or talking to people beyond texting. I just... am not up for it. Not just yet.
In a lot of ways, although my mind knows she is gone, my heart seems to be so sure she is just not here with me right this second. She is at her apartment, or maybe out of town, but definitely not gone. Not GONE gone.
I just don't know. Good days, bad days. Today is shaping up to be a bad day. Because we are at two weeks, and that doesn't sound that long... but it already feels way to long to have had to go without hugging my sister.