Friday, April 26, 2013

A 'New' Picture

I am missing her a lot today.
Not that that's unusual, but some days it's more overwhelming than others.  I never know what will spark a hard day.  Today it was a combination of having too much down time at work and Gmail deciding to show me this old picture Nick had taken with his phone sometime last year.  It isn't a picture I have seen often, and it wasn't in her photo montage. So in a way, it's a 'new' picture.

 I can't explain it, but 'new' pictures that aren't in the normal rotation are extremely emotional for me to see. I become drawn into them, just studying her. Her face, her smile, her hair, her outfit...just taking in as much as I can from this moment that I can't even remember. What were we doing at the farm? Was it a holiday? A first Sunday of the month dinner?  Was it a good day? It had to be better than today, because she was with us.

 And that leads to just utter heartbreak and missing her so fiercely that I can't stop the tears.

I love 'new' pictures, because I feel like I really SEE her in them.  And yet I think part of my tears with them are because I know nothing is really new anymore, they are just unseen.  And I fear the day I run out of 'new' pictures to find.  For now, I will keep my eye out, and I will always cherish each one, no matter how they break my heart.


  1. Oh, Sarah. This is a painfully beautiful post. Thinking of you.

  2. Oh, I know about looking at those kind of pictures, especially the ones where your loved one is looking right at you, as if she's there.