Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Archiving Life

I have this overwhelming drive right now to organize and archive all of our digital life. I want to back up all of our pictures, I want to have this blog made into a printed, tangible book, I want to compile all of our videos into one safe place where we are sure to always have them.  I want to make sure we have EVERYTHING.  Because you never know what might happen, right?

And on top of that, I am constantly feeling the pull to make more. Take more video, take more pictures, write a blog post. RECORD EVERYTHING!  Not just Henry, everyone.  I need video of everyone. And I know where this is coming from.  It's because we have very little video of Missy.  We have lots of pictures, but yet now that we know there will be no more, it doesn't feel like nearly enough. I wish I had followed her around with a video camera, I wish she had been on reality TV, just so I could go back and watch her now. Hear her voice, listen to her laugh.  Really and truly see her.

Since we don't have that, I am pouring over Henry's video's, looking for her in the background, which unfortunately is rare.  His videos are short, and really just of him.  But I keep hoping for just a glimpse of her.  Why didn't I just take a video of her talking to me?  Why didn't I know that would be important now?   Because what I have now is far too little.

One day soon I will watch my wedding video, because I know she is on there.  She gives a speech, and I want to watch it, and yet.... I am not ready.  I am searching for small glimpses, but am holding off on the one big video I know she is in. And I can't explain it, beyond having it to look forward to on a day I can't bare her being gone anymore.  Because it has been so long since I have seen it, it will almost be new to me, just this once.

So for today, I am mostly left looking at pictures.  And they will have to do.

I miss her a lot today, maybe enough to watch the wedding video after all...


No comments:

Post a Comment