Pain Management

My endometriosis is causing me serious problems today. The last two months have honestly been two of the easiest I have had since I was diagnosed several years ago. I am not sure why different months can be so different on my system, but clearly this is the case. I had hopes last month, as a second month in a row of low levels of pain, that maybe something had changed. Maybe I was better. Maybe I was CURED! Not so much.

I knew yesterday. It was becoming clear this was going to be one of the bad months. There is more I can do to handle things when I am home. I can lay on my heating pad. I can take more pain medication. I can sleep. When I am working, things get a little trickier. Today, for instance, there is a delicate balance of taking enough pain medication to be able to numb the pain, and not taking so much as to render me completely out of it and worthless...Tarp finds this line a little amusing...I can't say I blame him. I am just slightly in a fog. Just slightly not here. And when I say this, don't think I am on like thirty pills. I am on two (Risk Taker!! Dare Devil!!). Two is even written on the bottle. take one to two pills as needed for pain. For me, one equals normal me, two equals a me that should be in bed. A me that's favorite word becomes "What?" or, more accurately, "Huh?". Classy, I know.

So, I should be in bed. The meds are giving me this terrible heartburn, which I totally never have and is making me angry, but with them I will make it through this workday. I will get home, most likely cry some (I cannot stop from crying when I feel bad. I can hold it in at work, but it will come out as soon as I get home. I kinda feel like I am about to cry right now...) and fall asleep. I am off work tomorrow, so I just have to finish today. By Monday I will be better... but for now I will just find a way to manage the pain.

A Couple of Pictures...

Well, I looked through the hundred and fifty pictures (seriously) that Tarp took of the weekend, and I figured only two were worth posting on here. Mainly because I was only in like five of them, and....well, don't we really only want to see the ones of me?

How great is this picture of me and Charing? Seriously, I am in love with it. Tarp keeps saying what an amazing photographer he is, and I keep ignoring him, but in this one, I think he did great! This is now my new myspace profile pic....because I love Charing.

And then there is this one, that really isn't even that good. I wouldn't have posted it, but it just seemed wrong to have the lone picture of the night out. I am not sure why my head is turned all the way to the side, but I am sure it had something to do with the fact that I took the picture. Were there tons of people around who could have taken it for us? Why yes, yes there were. I need to stop with the addiction to self portraits at some point...

Anyway, that is about all that I have going on. Nick and Missy made an amazing dinner of chicken parmigiana last night. Did you hear me? Nick and Missy made it. And then the two of them cleaned the kitchen. I just might be in heaven.

Blogoversary

So here we are, one year in on Bio-Girl. I think back to several years ago when we were cleaning out my parents house. My little sister was going through my closet, and found my diary. She came out of the room with this huge grin on her face. I look up in horror. She begins to read...My mind starts racing. What could I have written?? I don't even remember that diary, but I am sure I poured my soul into it! Oh GOD....thankfully these thoughts were short. The reading did not take long. She clears her throat and says:

"Dear Diary,

I am going to write in you every...."

That was it. I didn't even write out the word "day". This was the only entry into my beloved diary. Oh. Right. Guess there was nothing to worry about after all. This diary entry is commonly quoted in my family when it sounds like I might be getting a little hyped up over something (or anytime just for a good laugh). I have a tendency to get ahead of myself. To get so passionate about something that I am just so sure I will stick to and will totally change my life! Make me a better person, a cultured person, a person with hobbies!

Have I told you that I have a Spanish game and I will be speaking Spanish by the end of the year? Did I mention my art easel I got for my birthday with all my unopened oil paints (but I AM Going to use those!! For sure...just need to clear a place out of the garage for my painting space. then...magic) I am a person full of good intentions, but then commonly life gets in the way. I am busy. I have wonderful friends and family and a husband who I adore and love spending time with. A house that is under construction. Those things call for my attention, therefore taking away the time I need for painting, or Spanish (which I am totally still working on) or a diary...

So when I started writing on this blog it was with a promise to post everyday for a year. This was a joke to myself due to my lofty goals with my last attempt at writing. Big promises, little results. I wanted to write, wanted to record my life. Wanted to share with my family and friends the day to day events that make me, me. I just wasn't sure I would keep up with it. Would life yet again get in the way and this thing that I enjoy move into the category of burden, or annoyance, eventually falling to the side as something I just don't want to mess with? Only time would tell.

So, here we are a year later. I did not post everyday, but I did pretty damn good! Looks like there were 185 posts. 185 times in 365 days that I sat down and wrote. I wrote about the small things and the life changing big things. I wrote of my work and my family. My mistakes and my achievements. My loves, my life, myself. As I look back and read of how I have grown over the last year. My first full year of marriage to the perfect husband, of our baby trials, of surgeries, or heart aches, of my dreams for the future. I look through posts with pictures and just smile. How we have changed even over this one year. And I think, think of how glad I am to have it recorded. I love anyone who reads this blog, but know you are few. This does not bother me. As much as the blog is for you all to share with me, it is for myself. My future self so I can look back and see the stories that would be lost in day to day life. See the pictures of our joys. See the ways that we change, and the ways that we are always the same. Repeating my same problems, but knowing that they define me.

So, thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting. Thanks for being a part of my past year. The one thing I can say is that I have embraced my blog, and I can say with confidence that I am here to stay.