Last night at 8pm Nick, Henry and I ran to CVS to look at the picked over Valentine selection. Tucked in the back, hidden behind the generic 3D dogs and unicorns was one last box of Angry Bird Valentines. We bought them, along with some heart shaped Nestle Crunch candy, and considered his school party officially prepared for.
Our family is doing okay. Not great, not good, but definitely in the land of okay. We realized yesterday that to the outside world we might be starting to worry some people. We have not really emerged from the family cocoon. We did a small family gathering last Sunday, and since then, it has just been us and the ministers. We are planning her service, which will be Saturday. We didn't want any event on Valentines Day, and since Missy had decided to be cremated we had some time, so we waited a full week. It is the best decision we could have ever made. We have looked at pictures, spent time together, cried, laughed, prayed, and I think when Friday and Saturday get here we will be ready to celebrate her amazing life.
And then I think the grieving will change. In a way it will be harder, when we go back to work and life. When we have to accept that not everyone will think of nothing but her all of the time. That life keeps going. The weeks to come will be difficult. The years to come will be difficult. Nothing will ever be the same. But I think we are ready to start taking the baby steps out into what comes next.
I scanned some pictures yesterday. She was so beautiful.
God, I miss her so much already.