Monday, February 11, 2013
We are holding on. Somehow. There are no words for the gaping absence that is now in our life. And while I know I am grieving, and I am heartbroken, I am also afraid. I am afraid because I can tell the numbness that is still here. I can tell the way my body is protecting me from the magnitude of this loss. I know that our family has locked ourselves up together to mourn and have not had to step out and look at the real world. I know that will hit me fully, eventually. When the planning is done, when the service is complete, an I am left here without my sister.
For now, I am holding on. I am still breathing, and I am trying to do what she would want, which is to take care of our parents, to keep living, and to enjoy our life. I am going to try, but I just don't know how without my Missy.
We have set the arrangements, I have written her obituary, we will celebrate her amazing life. Because it was incredible, and it is worth celebrating.