I have just been a little depressed since our visit with the doctor on Monday. I feel silly about it, but I just can't stop myself. (I guess that is kinda what being a little depressed is all about.) I cannot even put my finger right on what is getting me so upset. We are at the start of this huge thing. We have options. We have things to try. IT IS NOT OVER. Yet, I keep catching myself with my eyes filled with tears. Seriously. Like I am just sitting at work and all of a sudden, I am a blink away from actual tears rolling down my cheek. I talked with Boo (who of anyone, truly understands) and then later Nick about these feelings. they were both so supportive, so understanding. It is honestly just me that is not understanding. That is annoyed with myself for over reacting. For worrying about things that are totally out of my control.
I am a little better today than yesterday. The eyes haven't even filled with tears and here we are at 11am. This might be partially due to the fact that yesterday I was positive (POSITIVE) that I was not going to ovulate this month. The doctor did an ultrasound. Said it looked like I would ovulate on Saturday, and that my ovulation meter would say ovulation on Thursday or Friday. When it didn't say it on Thursday, Friday OR Saturday, I was just sure. I was done. last egg gone. Missed the boat. Then today...just one little day later...(BUT for the record, day 20 of my cycle people....TWENTY) I did, in fact ovulate. Right. All is good. (let's not even get into the fact that this month we are not even trying any fertility doctor stuff...we are starting that next month. That I can't even think about yet...)
Also, to help with the down-ness, Nick and I went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory Last night. Oh God, if you have never eaten there, just go ahead and go now. They have this chicken madeira dish....and this hibachi steak...and the cheesecake. Seriously, we were completely in heaven.
I have also been listening to my very first audio book. My friend Arielle talked me into giving it a a try. She is a fellow Harry Potter fan, and said the guy who reads them is just amazing. She had them all on CD, so she lent me book seven. It took me a while to start it, but once I did, I was TOTALLY hooked. I listened to it in my car, and then at work all day Friday and Saturday because I was here by myself. I finished it yesterday, so when I saw her and told her how right she was, she left me the ENTIRE series. It is going to be great...
So, that is how I am handling my times of being down and worried. Nick and I are trying to do stuff, to stay busy, to not worry about what might happen. I am listening to Harry Potter. I am working hard (Tarp is in Costa Rica, so I am working A LOT. This could also be a cause of the blues) and honestly, I am okay. I am just a little down. And with all of this, I am going to just assume a little down is just fine.