I usually don't mind to not drink alcohol when we are trying to get pregnant, but for some reason this weekend the idea of yet again not drinking wine at a big event like Ryan and Arielle's wedding was just annoying to me. How many times do I not drink "just in case". And time and again I am of course not pregnant and having a glass of wine wouldn't have mattered in the slightest. I am not a big drinker, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it just feels like everything we do seems to fall in the two week wait window. And it's getting old.
So, I decided that for the first time I was testing really early. I bought an early detection pregnancy test that said it was 68% accurate six days before a missed period. I didn't know they could be that accurate, but I was exactly six days from the end of this cycle, so I bit the bullet and tested early. And it was negative. Clearly negative. And I was fine. Really fine. I hadn't taken the time to get hopeful on this cycle, I was still at "maybe", nowhere close to "definitely!". 68% was good enough for me to feel comfortable having two glasses of wine at the wedding. No more than that... because I am still a touch of crazy and was aware of that pesky 32%, but it was nice to not give up wine at the wedding for a pregnancy that doesn't exist.
I have never understood you all who test so early. I looked at it as a a waist of money, since they aren't as accurate I thought I would talk myself into it being wrong anyway. But that isn't happening much*. The hope that is usually setting into a cycle by day 25 (today) is not there this time. I am completely at peace with this being negative, and that is such a great feeling. Not as great as it being positive, but false hope is a real bitch.
*Of course, I do keep telling myself that it isn't a 32% chance I am pregnant, just a 32% chance the test wouldn't pick up the extremely unlikely pregnancy. Because I am still a touch of crazy and don't want to let my mind run wild.