The last week has been a real struggle with my endometriosis. Like to the point that it was the worst few days I have had since before Henry was born. There was a time on Saturday that I seriously considered asking Nick to take me to the emergency room, but why? I know what I have. I know there is really nothing to be done. It wasn't a emergency, it was just excruciatingly painful. I think possibly I had a cyst that burst on my right side, but there isn't any way to know for sure. I do know the amount of bleeding was sorta alarming. And that even on pain medication I had a hard time walking from one side of my house to the other. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep. Which... I am sure you can imagine, isn't that easy with a two year old who wants to play with his Mama on the weekend.
I always struggle with the line of when to go to the doctor for my endo. I know my options and I know where I stand. If I am not wanting to be on birth control, then I see no real reason to go unless I am ready to talk surgery. This weekend I realized I was ready to talk surgery. And yet I always have this fear that I am jumping the surgery gun. I can feel my cousin shaking her head at me right now, but I can't help but feel my feelings! I worry that as soon as I tell my doctor how bad it is, that it will get better. That maybe this weekend was all about a cyst and not about my endometriosis. It is the difficult thing about having a disease you cannot see with out surgery. It leaves a lot of questions, a lot of self evaluations. And I am terrible at self evaluations.
What I do know is that I lost this weekend to pain. I didn't get to spend it with my family, I had to spend it in bed on medication. And still, I couldn't stop the tears, I couldn't keep it under control. If these had been work days, there is no way I could have come in. And that is always my line. If even on pain medication I can't function, it's time to talk to the doctor. I will let you know what he says.
I am still collecting votes for Inspirational Family over with Circle of Mom's! We are currently in 7th place. If you have a second, please click over and vote!
Also, I have a new blog post up over at Bloggers for Hope about Endometriosis treatment options (Ha... kinda fitting for today, right? It's all Endometriosis all the time around these parts) Click over if you are interested!