You know you are truly exhausted when you fall into bed at night and drift right off to sleep, only to enter a dream where you are about to start running a 5K (I like how, even in my dream, I am not overly ambitious. No marathon for me. I will stick with a 5K THANK YOU VERY MUCH) but I keep falling asleep at the starting line.
That's right, I am so tired I am falling asleep IN MY SLEEP.
This application to my masters program is taking a lot of time and energy. More than I expected, and right on the line of more than I have to offer right now. Work is crazy busy so I am on my feet for my entire ten hour shift, then I am rushing home to have dinner with my family,and then to sit at the computer and continue work on the application.
Last night after spending the evening writing my CV I asked Henry if he wanted to come jump on mama's bed. He ran into my arms and we started playing the Big Hug Game. He runs across the mattress and jumps into my arms and I give him a big hug, picking him up of the bed as he giggles. Then I open my arms and he falls onto the mattress, giggles turning into full blown laughter and delight. He leaps up and yells 'AGAIN!' So we do it again. And again and again. He has no idea how the Big Hug games is much more for Mama than Henry.
Papa joins us, picking up Henry and tossing him onto the bed. Henry asks Mama to lay with him, and we laugh and laugh. He then takes my hands and starts jumping all around the bed, yelling 'Henry is a JUMPING BEAN!'
At ten that night, after snacks and books, Henry is tucked in and sound asleep. I open my text book, reading a good chunk of the chapter I have due this week. I take notes and mentally plan out my paper on the subject. I email my references and attach my CV. Then, around midnight I open my personal book I am reading. Because I need just a little time for myself before I crash for the night.
Usually I have a pretty good balancing acting going on around here, but right now I am pushed thin. It's just a little much, and I am exhausted. But I refuse to give up what I enjoy most. Playing with Henry, spending time with Nick, seeing my family, reading, blogging. These are things I refuse to cut from my schedule. So my sleeping time keeps shrinking and for now, hopefully just for a little while, I will be tired enough to dream about sleep.