Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Not Exactly Inspirational...

I am not sure how I feel about this "Most Inspirational Family" thing.  Not because I don't think it's an amazing list, but really, because I am not sure I should be on it.  Is that sort of awful to admit when I am asking you all to vote? I look at the other blogs on the list this year, and man are they inspirational.  Fathers suddenly dying leaving the mother pregnant  to raise their family on their own, mother and daughter both fighting cancer, raising a preemie who was born at 28 weeks.  Inspirational.  And as for us.... well?  We feel awfully normal in comparison. 

Yesterday I called my doctor to make an appointment to talk surgery.  The receptionist told me he was out of town this week and completely booked next week.  He could see me March 5th.  And I burst into tears.  You all.  I BURST INTO TEARS. Not with the doctor or the nurse, but with the poor receptionist.  Not like shaky voice on the phone, like open sobs as the receptionist said "Oh no.... please don't cry....".

It was exceptionally awkward.  She had a nurse call me back, mainly because she had no idea what to say.  And I cried on the phone with the nurse and told her "I am fine.  REALLY.  FINE.  I am just an emotional crier."  There wasn't much to say.  They would see me in two weeks.  They are sorry.

I called Nick to tell him and I broke down on the phone.  "They...can't....see me... until March...5th..."  He says "Well that seems rediculo....wait. That isn't really that far away, right?"

Me. "Right..."

Him "So..."

Me "I don't know WHY I AM CRYING LIKE THIS!"

A few hours later I had it under control, but not before crying several times in the lab and having to have awkward conversations of "I am really okay... just emotional this morning...".  By lunch I felt like myself, but at 4:30 I was having terrible hot flashes, which... What the fuck is this about??  I ignore them and go to class.  One more thing to mention at my appointment that feels a world away.

I am better today.  I feel like myself.  And that is a much better place to be.  But still, do I feel even an ounce of inspirational?  No, not really.  But here is the link, since I have spent the entire post talking about it.  Vote if you want. We are currently in 10th.  And check out some of the other blogs if you have time. They have hold some amazing stories.


  1. Girl, you seriously are an inspiration. You have been through so much and have such a positive outlook on things.

    I am so, so sorry you are in so much pain. And that you can't get in sooner.

    Sending you squishy hugs!

  2. I had to laugh when I read "What the fuck is this about?" I mean, I laughed out loud. I think the reason you are so inspirational is because I can relate to you. I've never had cancer. I don't have a premie. But I can relate to the everyday stuff that you face. Shine on, BioGirl.

  3. Everyone is inspirational in their own way. Those other stories sound inspirational in the face of seriously difficult life situations, which in all honesty, doesn't sound that different to me then you. I think you're a huge inspiration for those of us who may also find ourselves without the ability to grow our family to the point that we would like to. You are amazing honest about all of it. Don't sell yourself short!