An Important Life Lesson on Oral Surgery

So, I am going to tell you all something that may save you a lot of discomfort in the future.

 Are you ready?

If you, like myself, want to be completely unconscious during an oral surgery procedure, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you NOT EAT A GIGANTIC JIMMY JOHNS SUB TWO HOURS BEFORE.

The nurse:  "So, are you ready for this??"

Me:  "Yes! Just as long as you totally knock me out and I have no memory of it!"

Her:  "Haha!  No problem, just to be clear, you haven't eaten, right?"

Me:  "..."

Her: "..."

The doctor: "..."

So.  Yeah.  I ate.  But I SWEAR they didn't tell me not to eat!  I WOULD REMEMBER.  And my surgery was at 3pm, so like, I figured they would have mentioned it.  AND the day before I worried about it, so I called to ask, but alas, I got their answering machine.  And so I googled it, and you do know what google said??  DO YOU??? It said "when having oral surgery it is fine to eat beforehand."

WTF GOOGLE.

So in case someone googles it again, I will just have to hope my site comes up which informs them YOU CANNOT EAT BEFORE ANY KIND OF ORAL SURGERY IF YOU WANT IV SEDATION OR THEY WILL NOT GIVE IT TO YOU.

I know I am using a lot of caplocks here.  I can't help it.

So, they inform me that I can't have the IV sedation, but that I can totally still do the surgery.  I ask if they can at least use nitrous gas and the nurse is like "Well... we COULD, but the doctor is pregnant, so no."

"So to be clear, if I do this, I get NOTHING?"

"Oh no!  You get Novocain!  You won't feel a thing!"

They reminded me that people have surgery awake all the time.  People have BABIES and BRAIN SURGERY awake.  And I was like "true..."  and then, because I really didn't want to reschedule this or the several follow up appointments that I have lined up after this, I was like "Fine..."

And then I had oral surgery totally and completely awake and aware even though I typically get nitrous for a cavity filling.

It was... awful.  I am not even going to down play it.  It really and truly was horrible.  It didn't hurt, except for all those needles they injected into my face to make me numb. (SO MANY NEEEDLES!!) Those were not pleasant.  But the doctor was great and at any point if I said I could feel something she gave me more meds.  I think I took as much Novocain as an average sized elephant would need.

But what was actually awful was, you know, the SURGERY.  The part where they were using scissors and bone drills.  Oh lord, it was two complete hours of watching as they removed things from my face.  Which, as you know, is really close to your eyes, so it's hard to miss.

In the end, all went extremely well.  They did bandage me up after the surgery, which if you are curious was like if you took a large wad of gum/silly putty and smooshed it over your teeth.  It was super sexy.  Especially since it was seeping blood all around the edges.

(be jealous)

The bandages fell off yesterday so now I can see the new gums in all their glory.  I smiled for Henry and asked what thought.  His reaction?

"Um... you have a lot of blood and hair in your teeth"

"That's not hair, it's stitches"

"Oh... well it's not as scary as that pink stuff"  (the bandages)

"So... better?"

"Better"

Turns out I do have limits as to what I will post on the internet, but this morning I took this shot with my phone which is just far enough away to make it look sorta okay.

Oral surgery.  Not for the faint at heart.