So I have been temping this month. I mentioned it a couple weeks ago, in case you forgot. Which is very possible. No matter how I act, I don't TRULY expect you all to remember everything I post on here. That's what links are for.
Anyway, I have been temping. And really, I was kinda excited about it. Mainly because of that science nerdy gene that lives within me. I realized pretty early on that I had been missing out on a very enjoyable graphing experience by skipping this process in the beginning! But as the month wore on, my graph started to look like the Andies and I realized that there is a surprising perk to temping. I tried to explain it to Nick, but he seemed sorta shocked by my conclusion.
Me: "You know what the best thing about this temping business is?"
Nick" "What's that?" (He is assuming I would say that it will OBVIOUSLY lead to pregnancy)
Me: "That it makes it really clear that there is no way I am pregnant"
Don't get me wrong. I love me some hope. I would come close to killing to be pregnant again. (I might take out a sickly stranger). But the last thing my little heart needs right now is any kind of false hope. As time ticks away, and my period gets closer or even moves to the 'late' category, to constantly be thinking "Maybe....possibly...it COULD happen!". To be obsessing. To be allowing the false hope to settle in my heart and become too real. That is where I would be right now if it wasn't for my temperature chart. Which, if you are interested, looks like this:
Fertility Friend, which is the app I am using to keep all my temps in order, does not see this chart as promising. When I click on 'Pregnancy Monitor' it informs me that it can't even be calculated because no ovulation was detected. When I click on 'Fertility Analysis' it gives me a red light and says "Probably Not Fertile". I realized later that is for the individual day, not for like my entire life. But still...it basically says it all. Probably not Fertile.
So... you know. It's sad. But at the same time, not surprising. So in a strange way it's a relief. A relief to know that glass of wine is okay, that I don't need to worry about the caffeine. That I am right, my body isn't doing this. So don't keep holding out like it is. It does nothing but make it hurt more when the hope ends up to be nothing but false.