So I am ready to wean Henry. I think. I mean, I feel ready. I feel done. Most of the time. A piece of me is sad that the breastfeeding days are nearly over, but most of the time I am excited to be finished with it. Excited to let him stay the night with grandparents and to go out late without having to worry about rushing home to nurse. Yes, I can say that after thirteen months, I am ready.
And yet I keep nursing him. Each night before bed I nurse him, and every single night, at some point, I wake up and nurse him. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I just don't really know how to break the habit. When he turned one I was all for the "Tough-Love" that was going to be required. It was TIME to stop this night waking and nursing. I knew what to expect from the doctor. All you other breast-feeding bloggers (and night waking mama's in general) have posted about it. You walk in and mention that the baby still nurses or eats and night and your doctors are HORRIFIED! They tell you TOUGH LOVE! BREAK THE HABIT! So I was ready to hear it. Ready for the road map to tough love. But you know what I got to hear? I got to hear, "Oh yes...I am not surprised he is still nursing at night. He has a really high metabolism. Just keep feeding him until he starts sleeping all night."
Where was my TOUGH LOVE speech? I mean, this is it's own form of tough love. The kind that has us still waking up every night thirteen months later. And I know I could wean him and we could make him a bottle, but...come on guys. Once you breastfeed at night, do you know how hard it is to go to MAKING A BOTTLE? Okay, I don't actually know because we haven't tried it, but it sounds hard. Much harder than scooping up Henry and bringing him to our bed to nurse and fall asleep until morning.
Now when you all read this I know what you will say. TOUGH LOVE will mean bottles and NOT getting to sleep in our bed. I hear you. The thing is, our system is really great. Except for that weaning issue. You will have to trust me when I say the "Crying It Out" method does not work at our house. Henry is an accelerated crier. He can go for HOURS. Only to pass out and wake up fifteen minutes later and start screaming again. It doesn't work for us. So...that means rocking to sleep. Something I don't mind in the slightest at bed time. At three am...well...our bed is just so much more inviting...for ME.
I know, I know. I am working my way up to it. I swear. I cut out all other feedings, so we are down to bed time and middle of the night. Next to go is bed time. Then...we tackle the bottles. and the rocking. And the TOUGH LOVE. Soon. But not tonight. But soon.