Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Beginning of the End

Thank you all so much for your outpouring of support on my post about finding peace with the size of our family. As I wrote it, I worried you all would read it and feel like I was giving up on this FET before it even started. That you would think I was losing faith in the possibility of having another child. I should have known better. Your comments have been so uplifting for me this past week. The understanding, the support, and the constant cheering on of this cycle just means so much. So thank you all.

Tomorrow truly starts the beginning of the end of our infertility journey. It will be the hypothetical day one of this last cycle and the start of the hormone patches. We are a little over two weeks from transfer, and I cannot believe how different I feel right now from this time last cycle. The peace that I feel knowing that we have done everything we can is comforting. But still, oh my, how the hope is here with me. Every time I see a baby out in public, especially one that has a big brother in tow, how my heart is filled with this hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, we can bring home another baby. Names are creeping into my mind again, the question of boy or girl, the idea of both embryos surviving and possibly leading to twins. Just thoughts. Hopes. Dreams. All swirling around in my head and my heart as I prepare to put on my first patch in the morning.

So here we go. Our final cycle. Our Last Chance FET. Will it lead us to a baby? The green flag is waving. Four weeks from tomorrow we will pass the finish line with be our beta. Will we be settling in for nine months of planning and excitement or will we be packing up our baby gear alone with the pieces of our hearts. I hope this peace I have found stays with me. But what I really hope is that I don't need that peace to calm my breaking heart a month from now. I hope that we just get to be happy.

14 comments:

  1. Fingers crossed that there are two lines waiting at the end of this cycle's two week wait. I'm so hopeful for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am praying and hoping and crossing... lots of love flowing your way Sarah! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I so hope and pray you will be included in the wave of BFPs that seems to be going through IF blogland right now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fingers crossed for you!! I'm glad you have found your peace either way. Wishing you all the best!

    iclw #18

    ReplyDelete
  5. Holding you in my thoughts, friend!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are way up in my prayers, ok?

    You can do this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't think I've commented before, but I've been reading for a while! I know the feeling that you are talking about. When we went in to do our last IVF, I had a peace about the whole thing, and was emotionally ready to move on in the event it didn't work. That IVF resulted in the birth of our daughter. I don't know if the lack of stress played into it, but I remember how strongly I felt at peace with it all. You have such a great attitude!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh I'm so pulling for you and sending many prayers your way!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I found you through ICLW.

    Thank you so much for posting this. We are doing our last FET right now (transfer tomorrow) and I'm unbelievably anxious and upset, knowing that this is quite possibly the end.

    I look forward to following your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello from ICLWland! Wishing you the very best of luck with your FET! I hope that you can keep the peaceful feelings with you always, regardless of the bumps in the road!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Here from ICLW -

    You are in my thoughts and prayers right now as you begin this last cycle. I hope that things work out for you and that you are able to keep your peace either way.

    Big hugs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Here from the Round-Up and rooting for your happiness! (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm here via the round-up and ICLW.

    I hope this FET does the trick for you! And may your found inner peace stay with you no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I really hope this round is it. I know you follow my blog as well and if you remember I was literally filling out adoption paper work and getting ready to move on when we found out that final round worked...times THREE! so keep your chin up and stay hopeful!

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin