Sunday, March 9, 2014

I Am Having Hysterectomy... In Four Days

So now for something completely different...I finished my capstone.  So now let's talk about what else has been going on.

My endometriosis is out of control.  It started to really step up it's level of discomfort back when my shots got out of whack and I was two weeks late on taking one.  And... the ship just never righted itself.  I have had another shot since then, maybe ten days ago, but the pain has only gotten worse.  (that shot, for the record, was ALSO not covered by my insurance.  To date they have paid nothing.)

Wednesday morning I woke up and was not able to get out of bed. The pain was so bad that I was forced to just stay in the fetal position while Nick put on a movie for Henry and we both laid there, waiting for my pain medication to help me be able to stand.

The next night I slept maybe one hour... possibly two.  And the rest of the night I was too uncomfortable to possibly rest. 

And after those two events I realized my plan for a hysterectomy right after graduation were out the door.  How could I possibly wait until summer when I am currently unable to get out of bed or actually fall asleep? 

But how do I have surgery during the busiest time of year in a germination lab while attempting to finish up my last semester of my Master's degree?

But like with all hard decisions, it came down to choosing the option I could live with.  And although I hate to put my work in such a bad place and take off nearly three weeks, and I hate to mess with my final semester, I simply CANNOT deal with this pain anymore.  So, I called the doctor and asked if they could get me in the Thursday before Spring Break (AKA this Thursday) for surgery and they said yes.  That will mean the first week of classes missed will be a week off anyway, and then maybe (MAYBE) I will be feeling well enough to attend class the next week.  If not, my teachers are amazing and they will understand. 

For now, I have to take care of myself.  Somehow I actually felt okay during my capstone defense.  Maybe it was the adrenaline?  I am not sure.  During the final meeting I did have to sit down, but besides that I was okay.  But overall the last week has been very hard.  Yesterday was rough, requiring pain medication and a nap in order to get my pain under control.  Today was worse.  I took medicine and tried to lay with Henry and watch a movie, and I simply could not get past the pain.  To the point of tears.  To the point of more medication and Nick taking Henry out of the house so I could maybe find some relief through sleep.

I don't know what has made it so bad so quickly...maybe I have a major cyst again, maybe my lone remaining ovary has just gone crazy like the left one a couple of years ago, who knows.  But what I know for sure is that I am ready, and I need this surgery as soon as possible.  Part of me is sad of course.  This is it.  The official end to babies.  But 99% of me isn't even thinking of that.  That was decided years ago. The main 99%  is just praying for Thursday to get here, and to finally, FINALLY, have this ten year battle over. 



  1. Love you Sarah! You are amazing!!!

  2. Oh Sarah - massive hugs and lots of love coming your way! I remember that kind of pain so well (although bizarrely, since having a Mirena in 2005 the pain has not been a major issue for me, more all the other crazy symptoms caused by the adhesions to my bowel etc). I know how utterly desperate it makes you feel and cannot imagine going through that much pain whilst trying to look after Henry and do all you're doing!! Here's hoping Thursday comes around quickly for you...

    My mum and Grandma both had hysterectomies for Endo (well, my Grandma for fibroids but possibly Endo too) and my mum says that even though she'd just had major surgery she felt so much better the day after surgery than she had for years. I do hope that it has the same kind of effect for you!

    I totally "get" the whole "this is the end of babies" thing. Even though we also know that there is no way we are having any more babies, the thought of something so final is just a bit much, isn't it? It just takes away that tiny 1% chance you had left that something may just happen... but that isn't worth all the pain and suffering. You're doing what's right for you, and at the time that is right for you. To have come so far and done so much whilst in so much pain (and after so many surgeries in the past couple of years to try and keep on top of the Endo) is a credit to your strength but now it's time to do what you need to do.

    I'll be thinking of you so much this week xoxox

  3. Gosh, Sarah, but I totally get the pain and the immense impact on just normal life! My 29-year-old friend had one too - she was basically in surgery twice a year before that!

  4. Sending you love and strength!