Friday, November 30, 2007

What the Hell...

You know what really sucks? Trying to get pregnant while having the good old endometriosis. It sucks even more to realize you are suppose to start on Thanksgiving, and thinking, "Aw...Thanksgiving miracle! We will totally be pregnant this month!!" Then you take a test on Thanksgiving and it is negative. Your heart breaks a little, but you move on. Two days later, before going shopping you take a second test, you know...because you don't want to go and buy all new clothes just to find out you should have gotten maternity. Alas, it is also negative, which was fine. You knew it would be, but just had to check.

Now, this is when it really starts to suck. Days continue to tick by, and you start to really think maybe the tests were wrong. It happens. Maybe your hormone levels just were not high enough, after five more days with no sign of starting on the horizon you take YET ANOTHER test. Negative. This one is heart breaking. You really had thought it was going to be positive. You have never been this here we are at day 36. THIRTY SIX PEOPLE. No pregnancy. No period. Awesome.

The very very shinny silver lining is that we found out yesterday that starting tomorrow my company is offering short term disability. This will give me paid maternity leave (as well as $2000 for a three day hospital stay), which is incredible. Had I already been pregnant, it would have been a preexisting condition, and would not have been covered. I know it is better to wait and have this. It is a HUGE blessing. We were not sure how we were going to have me off work for six weeks without pay, plus now I don't have to hoard all my vacation time and can actually take days off and go to Florida with my family. But for now, this day, that is hard to focus on. We were just really sure it was time. Three negative tests and still no signs of starting in one month is just a little hard on my heart...but I am really excited about the silver lining.

1 comment:

  1. 1. I am SO SORRY you are not pregnant.

    2. I am SO GLAD you will be able to stay home with the baby when he/she is born!!

    3. I am SO GLAD you can go to Pensacola with us now.

    Somehow, things have a way of working out. Maybe you will be pregnant at the beach!