So did you all know it's Tuesday? It is. And did you know that I get to take my pregnancy test on Thursday? It's true. So...that means that it is only TWO DAYS AWAY! It has taken over my mind. Anytime I have some down time, it is the first and only place my mind goes. How do I feel? Do I have a gut feeling? Do I have any symptoms?
First, let me say that you guys rock. Your answers to my "A Question" post were absolutely amazing. Thank you for taking the time to write, and for being so honest. From the comments and emails on my question, I gathered what I consider to be the two main pieces of information for my situation. Number one, we are testing very early. Before a missed period. Most of you who knew, knew after something smelled off, or your body felt different, and then you thought, "where is my period" and you knew without a test...but, you were late. Now, maybe not all of you, but that seems to be common. We are testing before an expected period, before any expected signs of pregnancy...
Number two, the IVF drugs mimic pregnancy. It's what they are for. To convince your body that it IS pregnant. SO, any signs I happen to see (or make up) can just as easily be due to the progesterone as they could to an actual pregnancy. This is key. This is keeping me sane. It is helping to not let me obsess over the little things. The things like my sleep patterns are a wreck. Exhausted when I get home from work, but then wake up at five am bright eyed and bushy tailed. The fact that my boobs hurt, or that my lips are swollen (is this a pregnancy symptom? I have no clue, but it's true so I thought I would throw it out there). Or the fact that, although I hate to tell you this, that typing it and posting it will make it true, my back hurts. It kinda sorta hurts like it does before I start my period. It has been going on for awhile now, and there is no spotting, but it is a familiar pain that I wish wasn't there.
The thing is, it doesn't matter. My guessing and worrying isn't going to change the answer. It is already decided. We just have to be patient and wait for the test. But if I am being truly honest, which this is harder to admit than the back aches, because being wrong on this will make it only harder in the end, is that at least 55% of the time I actually believe I am pregnant. Not for any of the reasons listed above, but more because of the way I feel. The fact that I am not terrified to take the test. I am hopeful. Really, really hopeful.