I was getting ready for one of my friends "Dirty Thirty" birthday bash on Friday night. The party gets its entire own post once I get some pictures together, but I was at home getting ready and some friends came over to meet up and ride together. I was in the bathroom and Arielle walked in. I hadn't seen her since we found out about the pregnancy. She says, "I am so excited!!!!" and I look at her and say (seriously) "About the party??" She looks at me and says, "well...I guess, but I was talking about the BABY!" Oh. Right. the BABY. That I am actually GROWING right now! That is real and not just some crazy dream that I am letting myself believe. This is actually happening and we can TALK about it, and celebrate, and make real and true PLANS for!
We are officially in uncharted territory. If seems like anytime up until now when Nick and I talked about being pregnant, it always had this huge "IF" in front of it. We never let ourselves go to far in the conversation. There were things we talked about. Names we mentioned we liked. That someday the office might be a nursery. That when we are pregnant we wont find out what we are having until the actual delivery (still true by the way!). That if this works, I hope the baby gets his blue eyes...but they were always far off discussions. Speaking hypothetically. Now, all of a sudden, we have been given the green light. We are ALLOWED to talk about these things. To think about a baby that isn't just a someday-maybe-baby, but a June 4th actual REAL baby! Our baby.
We are still treading slowly, but we are loving every second of it. Nick came in on Friday from work and I was taking a nap (my favorite new past time). He kissed me, then pats my belly and says high to the baby. I just smile. We went to Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday and Nick said that it wont be much longer that it will just be the two of us walking into a store holding hands. We will have someone else with us! I saw my aunt, cousin and sister on Saturday and I actually got pregnancy/baby presents! Baby clothes and a pregnancy journal! You can see the wonderful gifts in the post from yesterday, but it was so exciting! These things that have been off limits to discuss are now free range conversation! We no longer have to live in the world of "ifs" and "hopefully" and "please God let this work". We finally get to live in the now. And the now is really pretty perfect!