Nick has no answers for me. Sammie is my cat. Nick tolerates him, but his opinion is not what matters. It is my decision. And I just cannot make it. I promised myself I would never keep him alive just for me. That I would never make him suffer just because I couldn't let him go. Is that what I am doing now? I just don't know. Last night he threw up, and there was blood in it. Blood. Not a lot, but it was definitely blood. That doesn't seem good. Even typing it out makes me feel like you all will say, "IT'S TIME!!!" but then I look at him today and he seems fine. His normal self. Sometimes he acts off. Like he doesn't know where he is. Then other times he is completely his loving self. He throws up all the time, but he still eats and drinks and seems normal. Most of the time.
I just don't know. When I was pregnant he got bad. I just couldn't do it then. Things were so up in the air and I just wanted to wait. He got better...and now he is worse again. I am taking our dog Ellie to the vet for a scratch on her back today, and I thought maybe I should take him too. But really, I know the only reason to take him in at this point is to take him in for the last time. And I cannot do that. Not today. Not by myself. he doesn't seem sick enough for that. But then, how do you know?? I thought I would know on my own, but now I am not so sure. My heart is so sad for him. I don't want it to be time, but I think it's soon.