Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Funny Thing About Balls....

So you know those bouncy balls that we painted for Henry's party?  The ones with the Angry Bird faces on them?  They looked like this:
 Angry Birds
Cute, right? Thanks.

Well. the problem with them was that after we painted them they were really sticky.  And I tried all week to cure them of their sticky nature, but it was no good.  I knew as soon as they hit the grass they would be covered in crap. So, as a last ditch, right before party start time effort, we decided to just cover them in baby powder.  And you know what?? It WORKED!  They were no longer sticky!  But the party was actually starting as I am trying to round up all the balls and cover them in powder in the yard.  Guests are coming in, kids are wanting to play with the angry bird tower, and I am like "HOLD ON! I need to powder my balls!"

So my mother in law, who is awesome, jumps in and is helping me.  Her and the kids are grabbing balls and I am dousing them with power.  I am sorta flustered.  And not really focused.  And my mother in law says something along the lines on "This is like Sarah in her single days, Racking up the Balls!".

And here it is.  The funny thing about balls:  There are lots of kinds of them.  Anything round, really, can be called a ball.  Bouncy balls, kick balls, basket balls, beach balls....And, you know.... POOL BALLS.  Where you use chalk to powder them so they don't stick and you "Rack them Up".     But no matter how many innocent balls may exist in the world, my mind went to only one type of ball.  Surrounded by children while powdering Angry Bird bouncy balls all I could think of was balls of the testicle variety. And I was SO CONFUSED as to why my other in law was talking about them and talking about me racking them up.

So... I mean... it could have been worse.  Because I just started laughing said "Sally!  That's is REALLY INAPPROPRIATE for a three year old's birthday!"  and I could have said something like "THAT'S RIGHT!" and given her a high five or something much more mortifying. But my reaction was clearly not what she expected because she looked confused.  I mean, I am sure she thought it was clear she was talking about POOL because, really, WHO RACKS UP TESTICLES? NOT ME!  I feel this need to make that clear. NOT ME!  I know lots of people have that kind of wild and crazy single days, and no judgement or anything, but I have been with Nick since I was 19! I HAVE NO WILD AND CRAZY BALL RACKING  SINGLE DAYS TO HIGH FIVE WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW ABOUT! 

And here is the thing, who talks to their mother in law about it at all, even if they were a ball racker??  AND WHO THINKS THEIR MOTHER IN LAW IS MAKING A SEX JOKE AT THEIR GRANDCHILD'S BIRTHDAY?  That, unfortunately, IS ME.

So a minute or two passes and my mother in law is clearly thinking over my response and it finally dawns on her that possibly, just POSSIBLY her daughter in law has an extremely confused and kinda dirty mind and she says "I was talking about POOL BALLS.  You know that, right??"  And right then, in that moment, I am filled with such mortification.  Because No.  I did NOT know that, but it all seems very clear and much more logical NOW.  But I decide to just lie and let it go and be like "Oh yeah.  Of course!"  And we drop it.  But she still looks confused, and I feel like a fool. And we go back to the party and all is well.

I forget about it during the party, but once it's over the moment keeps coming back to me.  Racking up the balls.  I am just... so horrified!  And so damn tickled about it.  Like I continually start laughing out loud over the encounter.  Because... who thinks that?? And the way I called it INAPPROPRIATE!  Like, I was very... I don't know.... like I was scolding her for her dirty joke.  Who SCOLDS their mother in law?  So I email her to tell her I was sorry I was so odd about it, and that... you know... I thought in the moment she was talking about s-e-x and I was just a little confused.  She wrote back to say for some reason she thought I was a big pool player before I was with Nick, so she thought the pool reference would be clear to me. 

Now THIS you all, THIS fact makes my day, and makes the entire situation worth it.  My sweet mother in law thought I was a pool hustler back in the day.  ME.  I am so terribly awful at pool it is embarrassing. And... I don't know... I just think I would be a surprising candidate for "pool shark".  But somehow she thought that I was some sharp shooting pool player when I was young and that... I don't even know... I walked away from my pool hall loving ways to settle down and be a wife and mother.  It was a hard choice, really.

So anyway.  The moral of the story is, if someone says anything to you about balls, think long and hard about what kind of balls they COULD be talking about before you declare the entire conversation INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN!   You just MIGHT be embarrassing yourself.


  1. I will laugh about this for a very long time!

  2. Well, if it makes you feel better, *I* thought she said, "This just like you in your single days! Packing up balls!" and I was all, "WHOA. Sally does not know how to use a condom correctly."


    You know. There's that.

  3. LOL. That is hilarious. I also adored all the super cute things from his party... the watermelon pig was awesome and the streamer wall was so nice. All of it, really, I kept giving my Mom the phone to show her pictures. I really LOLed about the giving her a high five... how crazy! :-) Thanks for the smile today.

  4. Honest to God, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Tears! Everywhere!

  5. I think I just wet myself laughing. This would make my day, too. (It just DID make my day!)

  6. So funny!! But doesn't it make you feel better that Whitney also thought the same thing??!

    1. LOL, it does. But at the same time, since Whitney and I basically share a brain and ALWAYS think alike, I can't say I am surprised :)

  7. Hilarious! I had to read it outloud to my husband because I was laughing so hard!

  8. LOL! The fact that you thought my mother of all people would make this joke it so funny. Of all the timid people bahahahaha. Mawmaw, we could all maybe see it. Mom, never. Wish I had been there. Good times. love ya!

  9. I am cry-laughing! Sooo funny!