So this weekend cycle day one rolled around. It's amazing how painful starting your period can be, even when you know it's coming. Somehow the finality of it all...it just sucks. But at the same time I was happy to see it all come to an end. It was like a final release of any hope, which in all honestly should have been gone anyway, but this was really it. The end of the month. The end of the cycle. The end of our treatments. Almost refreshing to say there is nothing left to wait on.
I cannot seem to decide about this follow up appointment with Doc. Have those of you who also ended your treatments with a negative result gone in to discuss it with your RE? I have this desire to go, but at the same time I have no idea what we will talk about. What is there to say? Am I looking for some magical answer that will make me feel better? I think what I want him to say is that he thinks we might get pregnant on our own...but I know he wont say that. If I go, will it just make the desire to do another cycle that much stronger, or will it give me the closure I am looking for? I am genuinely asking. Anybody who has been in this place, I would love to know if you went to your appointment, and if it helped.
Since the negative I have been angry that we can't afford another cycle, but now I realize that as financially draining as this has all been, it has been even more emotionally draining. I don't think I could do it again, even if we had the money. I couldn't start this over. I have no idea how so many people do cycle after cycle. This is just so damn hard.
If you are here from Lost and Found, thank you so much for coming by. I am thankful to have this support from this amazing infertility community. I can never tell you how much it means to have people here commenting and telling me that you understand, that you are here for us, that you love our family, that it's okay to still be crying over this. So thank you all. It is exactly what we need.