Tuesday, June 21, 2011

24 hours

Just 24 more hours. There isn't really a lot more to say. It's strange to think that this is the last time. The last two week wait, the last time I will think I could be pregnant. Tomorrow I either will be or I wont be. And I have no illusions of ever having a surprise pregnancy any time after this. That just isn't in the cards for us. Our doctors made that clear. I don't even ovulate on my own, and I require birth control at all times to keep my endo livable. This really is it.

Part of me wants to think that it has to be positive, that I must be pregnant because...THIS IS IT. THE LAST CHANCE FET. But I know better. There is no way to prove that you deserve this. That just because we throw down the gauntlet and say we are done, doesn't mean that in the end magic happens and you get what you want. Infertility isn't like a Romantic Comedy where everyone gets to be happy at the end of the show. I have seen it go the other way for too many people. Negatives, chemical pregnancies, ectopics. Lots of peoples Last Chance cycles goes wrong. But sometimes it does goes right.

So here we go. Twenty four hours to beta. Tomorrow around one we will know. For better or for worse. If I am being totally honest, I feel it. I feel like I am pregnant. Not 100%, but for the last few days I have been leaning that way. I have no real reason, I just feel like it has worked. And that scares me to death. It scares me so much that I have chosen to not even mention it. I shy away from talking about this cycle at all with my family and friends. I just say, "we will know soon...". Because if it comes back negative, especially now that I believe it, it will be that much farther to fall. But if it comes back positive, what a great day tomorrow will get to be.

Just a little over 24 hours and we know. For better or worse.

32 comments:

  1. I'm praying, hoping and crossing everything right along with you Sarah!!!

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  2. Sending you all the Prompt-ly love I can. Really beautiful, tense post. Thinking of you and wishing you so much luck!

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  3. Hi Sarah
    visiting from IComLeavWe- Wishing you lots of luck with your beta. The emotions that must go along with putting your spirit into "the last attempt" must be overwhelming! We also dealt with infertility and did only 1 round of IVF. It failed and I dont know if I will ever be able to go back and try again. Time will tell. Wishing you lots of ++++++ vibes!!

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  4. Wishing you all the best as you wait.

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  5. Happy ICLW!!

    I'm wishing you all the best and I'm sending positive vibes your way.

    ICLW #6

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  6. Wishing, hoping and crossing all fingers and toes for you.

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  7. Crossing all fingers and toes Sarah! I think the fact that you "feel" like it worked is a VERY good sign...women have that weird intuition. I felt that way last FET...I just knew I was pregnant, then knew I had lost them....on the day it happened...it was weird. We just know.... Can't wait to hear your good news!!!!!

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  8. All crossed fingers and prayers on this end.

    It is a long, long day.

    All my best.

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  9. Thinking of you and hoping for good news tomorrow.

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  10. Sending lots of ++positive++ vibes :) and lots of prayers! xoxoxo

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  11. Making my official ICLW visit, but you know I have everything crossed for a great beta for you tomorrow!!!!!!!

    xo

    ~Suzy
    {visiting from ICLW #53}

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  12. Hello from ICLW!

    I am in the middle of an IVF cycle and the 2ww scares me more than anything! I am impressed that you have avoided HPT's! :) I'm sure the worst part is the "what if"...I hope the very best for you tomorrow! A woman's intuition is a powerful thing, and I pray your's is correct :)

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  13. I have everything crossed for you. Hoping and praying that your intuition is correct.

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  14. Best of luck to you! I will be thinking of you. We did ten ivf cycles including fet. I totally understand the emotional rollercoaster your on. We had one tubal pregnancy. I have my miracle baby through adoption!

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  15. Hi through ICLW!! Keeping my fingers crossed for a positive test tomorrow!

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  16. Well, I wished you good luck this AM on the tweets...apparently blonde moments are contagious. LOL

    And I will carry that good luck wish over to tomorrow girl!!! I hope that your feelings are right. <3

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  17. Sending you good thoughts! Thinking of you.

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  18. I am so hoping that you will be getting fantastic news tomorrow! Keeping everything crossed for you.

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  19. Oh Sarah, I have everything crossed for you guys and I just hope you get that magic ending, I truly do! Thinking of you so much right now xx

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  20. Thinking of you and hoping for strong numbers!

    xo

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  21. Thinking of you...what a tough 24 hours. I can't even begin to express how much I hope this works for you. Fingers and toes and everything else crossed!
    xoxo

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  22. Praying and crossing my fingers for you and your family! : )

    Kim


    MorrTimes4.blogspot.com

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  23. Looking forward to hearing great news tomorrow. I am thinking great things for you!

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  24. fingers toes and EVERYTHING crossed for you!!!

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  25. Saying prayers for you. Oh, did you hear? The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (aka Will and Kate) are coming to PEI because she likes Anne--you are in good company!

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  26. Hi. Stopping by from ICLW. I hope you get the news you deserve. I know what we deserve rarely works in our favor but one can still hope. Good luck!

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  27. Good luck today! I have been thinking about you all morning. I am praying for you. *fingers crossed*

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  28. I have been following you in twitter (before I deleted my account that is!) And all my hopes and best wishes are with you...Take care Sarah

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  29. Hi, here from ICLW and just wanted to wish you the best of luck and hope you make it to the beta test calm and relaxed :) good luck!

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