Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Moving On

Well the test was all sorts of negative this morning. I would like to say that I was totally fine with it, but honestly it was still really hard. I had let the glimmer of hope in my heart kinda grow due to the fact that the spotting totally went away for about eight hours yesterday. I knew that happened last month too, but still the hope was building. Last night at ten I started cramping and I knew...I went on to bed, but woke up at four thirty MISERABLE with my endometriosis. It was really really bad. I got up, took a test to be sure (because I am still a touch of crazy...and because the doc said I always have to take a test before I can move on because of the Clomid) and then immediately started my paid medicine. Unfortunately, you know how it is when you are already miserable...the medicine takes a while to work. I couldn't stand, but laying down was miserable too. It was a bad night. I got up at five thirty and sent an email to work telling them I would see them Wednesday. I watched the sun come up...not sure when I finally passed out, but I think around seven.

I woke up just a bit ago and I feel much better. Still sore and uncomfortable, but the pain medicine is doing it's job. I am just planning to lay around the house and try to have a nice day off. I have lots of Lost to watch, so that should keep me entertained. The only good thing about the way this cycle works is that when you finally start, it is still day one of your next try. Day one of an entirely new cycle. Another chance. I just gotta move on.

I also just wanted to say thanks to all of you for always listening. I have always had a hard time complaining about myself. Complaining about thinks that annoys me...no problem...but when it is something about me, I feel like I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. This blog has really given me an outlet and I know that I talk about all of this stuff a lot on here, and it might all seem really repetitive, because it really is. When I reread my mother's day post I thought it was awfully winy and I didn't even mention that I had a WONDERFUL day with my WONDERFUL mother, but I still need to get it all out. I need to talk, and lots of you are there on the phone or in person, and I am so thankful for you all too, but somehow writing it all down really helps me. And I just wanted to say thanks for always listening...


  1. <------------xoxox---------------> This is just me sending a big hug!!

  2. What a great way to look at it -- that it's day one of a new chance, a new cycle. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you -- you are so brave and are handling it so well. I hope you get to relax today.

  3. I don't comment every day because THE KIDS ARE CRAZY at school, but I read every day and think about you and hope for good news. Keep venting - it will make you feel better!

  4. it must be so frustrating, yet i admire your outlook on the subject.

    " Day one of an entirely new cycle. Another chance. I just gotta move on."

    hope you catch up on some 'lost' today!

  5. I love you Sarah! Hang in there :-)