Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I am past heart broken on this one. I really thought I was ready for a no, that it was going to be okay. I guess it doesn't really get easier. Each cycle has something that gives you that hope, and then that gives you heart ache when it doesn't happen. I never started spotting or cramping, but last night I told Nick I just didn't feel pregnant. Do you feel it? Do you know? I just feel like I will know. Last night I seemed ready and accepting of the no. This morning when there was only the one pink line I was fine. I went back to bed. Decided I wasn't going to work, and went to sleep. I woke up an hour later in tears. The tears have really not stopped since. They are uncontrollable tears, rolling tears. Not sobs, just that my eyes are continually overflowing. They seem irrational in my head, but my heart just won't let the stop. Not yet. We will move on from here. I just need a little time to be sad.